My latest column in The Queensland Country Life.
Throughout history, parents placed great importance on who their children married. They sensed that choosing the right partner in life was a key ingredient to financial security and a strong and prosperous family.
It was ‘normal’ for families to strongly instil in the next generation the importance of carefully assessing any potential spouse. Personal values, work ethic and family history were key factors in determining whether an individual would be a good person to hitch their wagon to and ‘let into the family’.
It is a sad fact of life that even if you raise your children to be good people & to work hard, life can become a whole lot more difficult with the wrong choice of partner. It goes without saying that divorce and failed succession plans are a key reason for unhappiness, missed opportunity, family conflict and a loss of hard-earned family wealth.
For many reasons (some good and some bad), teaching the next generation the importance of spousal choice isn’t something many parents do with their kids these days. My observation is that it seems to have been relegated in importance below forging a solid career and experiencing the world beyond the farm.
I am not saying that forging a successful career and seeing what is beyond the farm aren’t important. But, if we want our family to be prosperous both now and intergenerationally, I think failing to advise our kids on the heavy cost of choosing a partner carelessly is a mistake!
Why do I think that? Well, I have always been curious as to why some families thrived both personally and financially whilst others struggled, and why “it takes two generations to make it, and one to lose it.”
During my 20 years advising rural families I studied the common threads between those who were successful across multiple generations. It became abundantly clear that success was over represented by families with a solid couple running the agri-business who were both equally driven, kind, generous, diligent, had a solid work ethic and strong family values but above all, their parents had instilled into them at an early age, “Your choice of spouse will either make you, or break you.”
Let me be clear, I realise this is not the sole factor of success as I have also seen single person success stories, but if you do choose to spend your life working and raising a family with someone, my experience tells me that you should think about that person very carefully.
As a father I have come to realise that you can’t stop your kids making bad decisions and you can’t protect and guide them indefinitely but giving them a strong values framework to operate within, which includes understanding the consequences of poor spousal choice, will encourage them to give this weighty decision the thorough consideration it deserves.